Hello,
       So my hair is all off now, and it has never felt worse. I was contemplating my thoughts about me losing everything. I sat in my bed last night and looked around my room to see if anything was Nostalgic enough to make me think otherwise. I dug through everything and couldnt find anything that could date back more that 2 years or so. There is something i did find that touched me more than it should have.

        When i was 13 or 14 my mother had been going through a very strong addiction. She was up and down all the time and it was getting hard to talk to her. She was at a Rehab near my house so I would visit her from time to time. We went every week, Me, my sister and foster mother, but i personally went every Tuesday to see her. Sometimes she would simply reject my visit and sometimes we would have allot of fun. So one time we weren't quite getting along. She had just boughten stuff for me and my sister. Inside this poorly decorated bag were several cheap toys she had gotten us. I used to feel so bad when she would get us these things because i could see the shame in her face. But inside was a cheap necklace with a cross on it. She told me it was for me to keep. We got into some arguments and she ended up throwing the bag out a window. After security brought her to her room, i left.

       One could never now such saddness and such grief. Seeing your mother being held by security at a Rehab. It made me tear at the site of my once very pure, loving mom, being handled by large men and restricted to her room. So on my way out of the establishment I saw a bird. This bird is very significant to me because it has been through so much with me. This sounds crazy but this bird has been following me for awhile now. I swear its the same bird every time i see it. I used to think it was a figment of my imagination but today it proved that wrong. The bird had pillaged through the bag my mother and discarded and around the bird's foot was the necklace. It landed on a tree next to me, dropped the necklace and silently flew away. I picked up the necklace and placed it in my pocket.

         Last night I found that necklace. It always represented something to me. It always meant allot to me. It was as if it was lifes way of showing me that no matter what i did and what i walked away from, my Mother would always be there for me. I used to wear the necklace out of my pocket like a lanyard but stopped wearing it, as my mom had started to get allot better. Even though I lost it, i knew she was still there. I still wonder about an Afterlife, i always ponder whether existence stops at death or not. And i always end up wishing one thing. I just wish my mother could tell me. I rarely went to my mother for advice, due to the fact i was years ahead of her intellectually. It really makes me feel something when i wish my mother was still here because she was very expendable in my life.

         My question to you is this. Have you ever lost someone that had your only connection to childhood? If so then i want you to post a comment. Write a letter to that person asking them one question. Ask as if they were going on a trip and would not be back for a very long time. Here is mine.


                  Hello Mom,
                          Life is looking up in the long run, but that run lasts till about 18. I have no clue what to do on my own. I know your busy so i will ask a very simple question. What do i do. Im so lost and have no clue how to deal with life on my own. I have no one to help me and i would give anything for your advice right now.
                 -Love Your Son