Hello,
So today i am attending a weekly Yu-Gi-Oh tournament at a local card shop. I dont think i will enter because it is 5 dollars and i only have 4, of course i could scrape a dollar together but im not sure if im good enough to waste 5 dollars and not win anything. It starts at 12 and it is 11:11 am right now. So if i decide to i think i will be acting on impulse instead of thinking it through.
In other news, my sister is the most annoying human on the face of the planet.... Haha, She really is. She has about a minute worth of attention before she gives up and moves on saying stuff like, "I dont care about what you are saying" Or "Nobody cares what you say". So its really hard to deal with her all the time. If i could move think i would, but my social worker really thinks that we shouldnt seperate. I think other wise. My life would be literally 96.43% easier to deal with without her. I dont even know how to fix my problems, All i can do is just sit back and watch it all happen, i wish i wasnt so feeble and timid. I wish i had the courage to stand up and say what i want. My foster mom is very religious and i am not. She believes that an allpowerfull being that controls ever thing, is helping me with my struggles.
So i left this open all day, i started at like 11 and just got home. Its 10:13 pm. I didnt end up competing today. My brother who did went 4-2. So my cousin went with us today. I havent spoken to my other cousin or my aunt/uncle in about 5 years and didnt plan on it for the rest of my life pretty much. Today my brother asked if we could go hang out at their house for a few mins and i reluctanly agreed. It wasnt AS akward as i thought it would be but it was weird. The tried to act like it was no big deal but it was really weird for me. I dont plan on seeing them any time in the future again. And i apologize to you if my language is fragmental in any way, i am really tired and plan to go to bed soon.
So i just read that i have 5 viewers total this week, knowing that i have not shared this blog with anyone i know makes me feel good :) So if you guys continue to read leave comments on what you want me to post about. I have a really vast amount of knowledge and intrests and would love to hear your guys's. So i am done for tonight but thanks for reading, it really means allot. (I am totally joking, it has no real emotional meaning to me)
Thank you,
Rated[R]
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Hey Readers (Considering you do exist)
So I recently i wrote about a dream incident with my relationship. I have found peace with this and i shall tell you how. So i at first thought i was falling for another girl, This was brought to me because i had a strong feeling after i had the dream. I have been back at school and have seen the girl in the dream, I did notice an odd emotional attraction to her. But not love. SO when i had confronted my own feelings, i realized that i hardly knew her and that loving her would be absurd. I did know that i enjoyed spending time with her and liked it when she would ask me for help with her Biology work. Then another dream made me finally confirm my feelings. In this dream i was fully conscious for the entire dream. I often dream lucidly. So i was walking out of my apartment when i noticed her crying on the stairs, I came next to her in the most socially natural way and sat down next to her. She rubbed her eyes and said that i shouldnt have to see her like this. I told her it was nonsense and asked her what was wrong. She had told me a story of how her family was treating her bad. I simply smiled at her and put my arm around her and let her cry on my shoulder. The dream slowly ended with my usual astronomy ending.
(Where everything fades into a galaxy that is small enough to hold in my hands, i am surronded by the cosmos and i ponder the most complex thoughts in my mind)
Then when i was about to walk out of my dream into reality she appeared to me again, this has never happened before. No one ever intrudes into my personal mind, but she did. She told me that i was her only friend, the only one who truly cares about her well being, she said she would never stop loving me but would understand the way i felt about her. Then i awoke
In this dream i found closure, I now know that all i want from her and other females that are not my girlfriend is Friendship, really strong friendship. Though i know she doesnt feel this way i will never not feel this way about her. So i hope that if this kind of stuff ever happens to you people, think of what i just had, Before you jump to loving conclusions... Keep in mind that being friends is all you need sometimes.
Well now that, that has been taken care of, I had a fairly teasing week, I keep thinking it is friday. Even today i was terribly misled hahaha. I dont know what i am doing with my life, Honestly i feel like i am running full speed into no where. I have noticed that without a goal for a day, the WHOLE day just feels empty. Thats what has been wrong with this week, No tests, no homework, no specially planned events. It just gets really dull living like that, The worse part is that i cannot set a goal for the day, at least during the week. Like if i want to say that Tomorrow i will treat myself with a nice dinner with my girlfriend. Most people could just do that kind of stuff. Me on the other hand.... Lol i have to coordinate absolutely everything on my own and execute it all alone as well. Being 15 with no drivers permit, or friends with cars... I have to skate EVERYWHERE. So even something as simple as going to a friends house would take too long to pull together. So i live a very dull life.
So goodnight my imaginary readers,
Rated[R]
Ill admit i am a bit of a pokemon fanatic.
This picture includes: MewTwo with Mew(Left) Zoarark and Zoara(Middle) and Lucario with Roilu
(Right)
So I recently i wrote about a dream incident with my relationship. I have found peace with this and i shall tell you how. So i at first thought i was falling for another girl, This was brought to me because i had a strong feeling after i had the dream. I have been back at school and have seen the girl in the dream, I did notice an odd emotional attraction to her. But not love. SO when i had confronted my own feelings, i realized that i hardly knew her and that loving her would be absurd. I did know that i enjoyed spending time with her and liked it when she would ask me for help with her Biology work. Then another dream made me finally confirm my feelings. In this dream i was fully conscious for the entire dream. I often dream lucidly. So i was walking out of my apartment when i noticed her crying on the stairs, I came next to her in the most socially natural way and sat down next to her. She rubbed her eyes and said that i shouldnt have to see her like this. I told her it was nonsense and asked her what was wrong. She had told me a story of how her family was treating her bad. I simply smiled at her and put my arm around her and let her cry on my shoulder. The dream slowly ended with my usual astronomy ending.
(Where everything fades into a galaxy that is small enough to hold in my hands, i am surronded by the cosmos and i ponder the most complex thoughts in my mind)
Then when i was about to walk out of my dream into reality she appeared to me again, this has never happened before. No one ever intrudes into my personal mind, but she did. She told me that i was her only friend, the only one who truly cares about her well being, she said she would never stop loving me but would understand the way i felt about her. Then i awoke
In this dream i found closure, I now know that all i want from her and other females that are not my girlfriend is Friendship, really strong friendship. Though i know she doesnt feel this way i will never not feel this way about her. So i hope that if this kind of stuff ever happens to you people, think of what i just had, Before you jump to loving conclusions... Keep in mind that being friends is all you need sometimes.
Well now that, that has been taken care of, I had a fairly teasing week, I keep thinking it is friday. Even today i was terribly misled hahaha. I dont know what i am doing with my life, Honestly i feel like i am running full speed into no where. I have noticed that without a goal for a day, the WHOLE day just feels empty. Thats what has been wrong with this week, No tests, no homework, no specially planned events. It just gets really dull living like that, The worse part is that i cannot set a goal for the day, at least during the week. Like if i want to say that Tomorrow i will treat myself with a nice dinner with my girlfriend. Most people could just do that kind of stuff. Me on the other hand.... Lol i have to coordinate absolutely everything on my own and execute it all alone as well. Being 15 with no drivers permit, or friends with cars... I have to skate EVERYWHERE. So even something as simple as going to a friends house would take too long to pull together. So i live a very dull life.
So goodnight my imaginary readers,
Rated[R]
This picture includes: MewTwo with Mew(Left) Zoarark and Zoara(Middle) and Lucario with Roilu
(Right)
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Mood=Confused
So i havent posted in a few days because i have been kind of busy with things such as Yu-Gi-Oh and stuff. I had a really crappy kind of week. It was good/bad. I got to hang out with my brother and play Yu-Gi-oh with him and some friends, but also had a really depressing feeling all week. I have had a huge feeling of hopelessness lately. I also had a kind of disturbing dream last night. So here is how it went
I went to the mall for some odd reason. So i love my girlfriend and could not see myself with anyone else. But in this last week ive found her text messages to be kind of annoying which scares me. In this dream i had a group of 3 girls inform me that a girl i know "Maddie" is crying because she likes me but i dont like her. So throughout the dream the girls are telling me to talk to her and make her feel better when i keep saying no. Now im not sure what happened to the 3 girls but twards to the end of this dream i was in a class room with her and she was crying as the 3 informed me and i sat next to her and she had quoted something like this "When you grabbed my hand to get your phone, it was the most amazing feeling i have ever had and it kills me to know that i cant have that all the time" Now what scares me is i replied "I know the feeling" because before my girlfriend and i were together i wished that we would be and told her that when she grabbed MY hand that it was the best feeling ever etc. and wanted her to reply the way i just did. Now thats not even where it really disturbed me. Then when i calmed her down kind of, we started talking about each others issues. Then when it got more personal with the talking, i leaned twards her and put my head on her shoulder and me arm around her waist. Now i have never gotten like that with any other girl besides my girlfriend. Now this morning i woke up and i missed the feeling of holding Maddie in my arms which scared me.
Also, the REALLY bad part is that it i know a Maddie in real life and it is her in the dream. I dont really like this girl but i do know her quite well. We have a joke/game where i try to take a picture of her without her noticing everyday during 6th period. Then before the period ends, i show her the various shots of her.
I'm not sure what this all means, but i hope i just psychologically replaced my girlfriend with Maddie. I've also thought that i can psychologically choose who i love, what i love, what i enjoy and i can change that when ever i'd like. SO i was beginning to think that its not that i "love" my girlfriend, she just happens to be the closest female to me and because i can choose who i love, i chose her because it works. If i would to leave her then i honestly think that i would stay alone for a long time. Like i mean like 20 to 30 years, because i dont know anybody as well as i know her. Im just not sure right now. About anything.
So i have terrible grades. And i was in danger of attending a continuation school next year, but instead my counselor has recommended i go to a credit recovery school called Options for Youth during the summer ALONG with summer school at my high school. This litterally means that i dont get off school for summer this year. This only gives me 3 days off, being a friday, saturday, and sunday, so i get 1 week day off ALL summer. Im having one of those FUCK MY LIFE moments right now to be honest. I dont even know what im going to do after high school.
Anyway im done for now.
I love you if you are reading this.
-Rated[R]
So i havent posted in a few days because i have been kind of busy with things such as Yu-Gi-Oh and stuff. I had a really crappy kind of week. It was good/bad. I got to hang out with my brother and play Yu-Gi-oh with him and some friends, but also had a really depressing feeling all week. I have had a huge feeling of hopelessness lately. I also had a kind of disturbing dream last night. So here is how it went
Also, the REALLY bad part is that it i know a Maddie in real life and it is her in the dream. I dont really like this girl but i do know her quite well. We have a joke/game where i try to take a picture of her without her noticing everyday during 6th period. Then before the period ends, i show her the various shots of her.
I'm not sure what this all means, but i hope i just psychologically replaced my girlfriend with Maddie. I've also thought that i can psychologically choose who i love, what i love, what i enjoy and i can change that when ever i'd like. SO i was beginning to think that its not that i "love" my girlfriend, she just happens to be the closest female to me and because i can choose who i love, i chose her because it works. If i would to leave her then i honestly think that i would stay alone for a long time. Like i mean like 20 to 30 years, because i dont know anybody as well as i know her. Im just not sure right now. About anything.
So i have terrible grades. And i was in danger of attending a continuation school next year, but instead my counselor has recommended i go to a credit recovery school called Options for Youth during the summer ALONG with summer school at my high school. This litterally means that i dont get off school for summer this year. This only gives me 3 days off, being a friday, saturday, and sunday, so i get 1 week day off ALL summer. Im having one of those FUCK MY LIFE moments right now to be honest. I dont even know what im going to do after high school.
Anyway im done for now.
I love you if you are reading this.
-Rated[R]
As promised here if your
funny of the day.
Enjoy
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Hello People.
So my foster mom came home today so things are back to "normal". I havent cut my thumb nails in awhile and their getting quite long.
In other news, i was talking to my girlfriend today and she told me that she had the following conversation with her mother:
Her- Hey mom, what do you think my future husband will be like?
Her Mother- Well, he'll be a nice, brown hair, tall... And allot like (she said my name) to be honest
Her- *Giggle*
That made me feel really good actually. Since she doesnt know we are currently dating, it kind of encouraged me to keep trying. On a serious note, since my mom is gone, i live in a foster home, and my sister isnt to fond of me... I hardly ever get compliments from anyone but my girlfriend, so it felt good to hear that.
I am usually a positive person. But lately i havent been very positive. On the inside at least. See i never show any sign of bad emotion around, well, anyone actually. Not even people on the internet. To my friends and family, i am never sad or mad, but of course i do have feelings. Recently i have ben finding it hard to do stuff. I think its because i dont hang out with people or have enough fun. My girlfriend lives in a different city, Close enough to see each other but far enough for me not to see her everyday. So i think its honestly because, since she is my only friend kind of, i dont see her as much as i would like to. We have been together for 8 months i think, and i think its all because we live far apart. I think if i saw her everyday that it wouldnt be as amazing when i did see her.
Well dear internet, this is about all i am going to do today.
Also if anyone who knows what PlasmaCam CNC metal fabrication systems are, i would like to know if anyone knows how to get it for free. I want to practice at home because we have one in my metal shop and i never get to use it. The software is like 2k$ so i obviously cant buy it. So internet friends lemme know.
-Rated[R]
Another picture unrelated
So my foster mom came home today so things are back to "normal". I havent cut my thumb nails in awhile and their getting quite long.
In other news, i was talking to my girlfriend today and she told me that she had the following conversation with her mother:
Her- Hey mom, what do you think my future husband will be like?
Her Mother- Well, he'll be a nice, brown hair, tall... And allot like (she said my name) to be honest
Her- *Giggle*
That made me feel really good actually. Since she doesnt know we are currently dating, it kind of encouraged me to keep trying. On a serious note, since my mom is gone, i live in a foster home, and my sister isnt to fond of me... I hardly ever get compliments from anyone but my girlfriend, so it felt good to hear that.
I am usually a positive person. But lately i havent been very positive. On the inside at least. See i never show any sign of bad emotion around, well, anyone actually. Not even people on the internet. To my friends and family, i am never sad or mad, but of course i do have feelings. Recently i have ben finding it hard to do stuff. I think its because i dont hang out with people or have enough fun. My girlfriend lives in a different city, Close enough to see each other but far enough for me not to see her everyday. So i think its honestly because, since she is my only friend kind of, i dont see her as much as i would like to. We have been together for 8 months i think, and i think its all because we live far apart. I think if i saw her everyday that it wouldnt be as amazing when i did see her.
Well dear internet, this is about all i am going to do today.
Also if anyone who knows what PlasmaCam CNC metal fabrication systems are, i would like to know if anyone knows how to get it for free. I want to practice at home because we have one in my metal shop and i never get to use it. The software is like 2k$ so i obviously cant buy it. So internet friends lemme know.
-Rated[R]
Another picture unrelated
I really like this one.
Laughing as i type.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Hello Again,
So today was lame. I woke up at like 12. Well i really woke up at like 9 but my baby sitter was getting ready and i didnt want to talk to her so i pretended to sleep till she left. Then my sister just talked on the phone for the entire day while i sat around and played video games. My freeloading friend Mike came over today, He can drive so we went to the local card shop to buy a few booster packs (Yu-Gi-Oh). Then with no exaggeration we had been playing video games like Burnout 3 and COD MW3 since about 3 till 8, he just left about an hour ago. He also drank all my orange juice that i was supposed to save for school this week. So now i am writing this (Obviously). So my girlfriend Gabby has been texting me and i hardly replied at all today. I feel really bad about not texting back but its like... Fuck she text's me like every 10 minutes. How am i supposed to reply to messages like "Yeah(: <3333333". Im not sure what im supposed to say after that.
Today was the biggest failure sunday i have ever had. So I decided to post a picture along with this post to make you guys laugh. Well, i shall attempt to make you laugh.
Also i dont think i mentioned that Friday i went to an Astronomy lecture at Harvey Mudd college in Claremont. There was a professor from UCR (Riverside) talking about Gamma rays. Im sure i mentioned that i find the people around me VERY stupid, I thought that going to this lecture would give me relief from the stupid people around me. But i was wrong. This guy talked about Gamma ray radiation for maybe.... 20 minutes. Then he showed us pictures of him and his crew launching a sattelite via Whether balloon. So that really made me wonder what has become of the human race?
Any way the attached picture made me crack up when i saw it. So i hope it does the same for you
-Rated[R]
So today was lame. I woke up at like 12. Well i really woke up at like 9 but my baby sitter was getting ready and i didnt want to talk to her so i pretended to sleep till she left. Then my sister just talked on the phone for the entire day while i sat around and played video games. My freeloading friend Mike came over today, He can drive so we went to the local card shop to buy a few booster packs (Yu-Gi-Oh). Then with no exaggeration we had been playing video games like Burnout 3 and COD MW3 since about 3 till 8, he just left about an hour ago. He also drank all my orange juice that i was supposed to save for school this week. So now i am writing this (Obviously). So my girlfriend Gabby has been texting me and i hardly replied at all today. I feel really bad about not texting back but its like... Fuck she text's me like every 10 minutes. How am i supposed to reply to messages like "Yeah(: <3333333". Im not sure what im supposed to say after that.
Today was the biggest failure sunday i have ever had. So I decided to post a picture along with this post to make you guys laugh. Well, i shall attempt to make you laugh.
Also i dont think i mentioned that Friday i went to an Astronomy lecture at Harvey Mudd college in Claremont. There was a professor from UCR (Riverside) talking about Gamma rays. Im sure i mentioned that i find the people around me VERY stupid, I thought that going to this lecture would give me relief from the stupid people around me. But i was wrong. This guy talked about Gamma ray radiation for maybe.... 20 minutes. Then he showed us pictures of him and his crew launching a sattelite via Whether balloon. So that really made me wonder what has become of the human race?
Any way the attached picture made me crack up when i saw it. So i hope it does the same for you
Saturday, May 12, 2012
So, I just made this Blog and I made it to vent everything that happens to me.
I may or may not update daily, it all depends on whether or not i decide to log onto my computer.
So,
Today I had the house mostly to myself. Well only for a few hours though. My foster mom has left for Arkansas for awhile while her co-worker baby-sits us. So some backround info. I am a 15 year old boy who is in Foster care. I have been in foster care for about 2 years now and was previously in it for 3 years about 5 years ago... Not sure if that makes sense hahaha. But my mom originally lost us due to a druken mistake. Then after gaining custody she got into drugs such as oxy-codon and Xanex. She just passed away December 24th 2012, get this, We were only 2 days away from our last court date before she overdosed. 2 Freakin days hahaha. Well anyway, Its been about 4 and a half months since then. I am currently enrolled at Upland High school and i am in my sophmore year. My grades are making me switch to Hillside continuation school next year. Dont judge though because i am VERY intelligent if i might say so myself. I also have Aspergers syndrome (A social developmental form of Autism) and I find mostly all the people around me very idiotic. I mean like EVERYONE. Its hard to find smart people these days.
Anyway... Back to how my day went. So i woke up around 9 today and started my day by listening to some music and watching television. My sister woke up around 11 then went to hang out with my Dad around 1. I dont speak to my father so i didnt go. So i love being alone, so today was pretty good. Then around 4:30 my "Baby-sitter", Crystal, came home. She is black and she annoys the living shit out of me. So i delt with her until about 5 when my sister calls me to go walk her home because my dad had got into a fight with her. We rode our longboards home when she fell of, (it was downhill) she scraped her knee. She is 14 and i will call her Clock for this blog. So you guys can refer to me as Rated[R] or Kharma. Those are my stage names for Gloving and Dj'ing which i do often. So she scraped her knee and started to cry, so i had wrapped my shirt around it so she could make it home, it wasnt far, so i lost a plain white tank top today. Then we came home and just kind of sat around. She has an Xbox360 that she does not let me play so i tend to get very bored. She has been playing COD MW3 for the past like 4 hours. I have been playing Wizard101 and minecraft all day. And i got to be honest i feel like shit from just sitting around all day.
I was going to work out today but i never found the drive to do it. I know that this blog isnt popular and nobody will probably read it but it helps me vent. So if you are reading this i thank you for taking the time to.
-Rated[R]
I may or may not update daily, it all depends on whether or not i decide to log onto my computer.
So,
Today I had the house mostly to myself. Well only for a few hours though. My foster mom has left for Arkansas for awhile while her co-worker baby-sits us. So some backround info. I am a 15 year old boy who is in Foster care. I have been in foster care for about 2 years now and was previously in it for 3 years about 5 years ago... Not sure if that makes sense hahaha. But my mom originally lost us due to a druken mistake. Then after gaining custody she got into drugs such as oxy-codon and Xanex. She just passed away December 24th 2012, get this, We were only 2 days away from our last court date before she overdosed. 2 Freakin days hahaha. Well anyway, Its been about 4 and a half months since then. I am currently enrolled at Upland High school and i am in my sophmore year. My grades are making me switch to Hillside continuation school next year. Dont judge though because i am VERY intelligent if i might say so myself. I also have Aspergers syndrome (A social developmental form of Autism) and I find mostly all the people around me very idiotic. I mean like EVERYONE. Its hard to find smart people these days.
Anyway... Back to how my day went. So i woke up around 9 today and started my day by listening to some music and watching television. My sister woke up around 11 then went to hang out with my Dad around 1. I dont speak to my father so i didnt go. So i love being alone, so today was pretty good. Then around 4:30 my "Baby-sitter", Crystal, came home. She is black and she annoys the living shit out of me. So i delt with her until about 5 when my sister calls me to go walk her home because my dad had got into a fight with her. We rode our longboards home when she fell of, (it was downhill) she scraped her knee. She is 14 and i will call her Clock for this blog. So you guys can refer to me as Rated[R] or Kharma. Those are my stage names for Gloving and Dj'ing which i do often. So she scraped her knee and started to cry, so i had wrapped my shirt around it so she could make it home, it wasnt far, so i lost a plain white tank top today. Then we came home and just kind of sat around. She has an Xbox360 that she does not let me play so i tend to get very bored. She has been playing COD MW3 for the past like 4 hours. I have been playing Wizard101 and minecraft all day. And i got to be honest i feel like shit from just sitting around all day.
I was going to work out today but i never found the drive to do it. I know that this blog isnt popular and nobody will probably read it but it helps me vent. So if you are reading this i thank you for taking the time to.
-Rated[R]
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