So Hello my non-existant readers

            Things are at a standstill in my life, or at least for me they are. I am currently done with summer school at my High School and now I am just working on Options For Youth packets with 3 to go until I have finished. Things should be looking up for me but surprisingly i see no hope in any of this. From what I remember, I still need to make up quite a few more credits. I will probably be in night school as a Junior and then summer school again. This means I never got to enjoy a real high school summer. Yet another memory I will not have to grow up with. So in other news, my foster parent has moved to Arkansas to take care of her cancer ridden mother. She left a co-worker/family friend to care for us. We know her and its not a big change but this lady works as an assistant at the Salon our foster mom did. She makes practically minimum wage. As foster children we pay the parents 846$ every month to take care of us and this still isnt enough for her to take care of us. I have never been so deprived, my drug addicted mother could do more for us than this lady can. She is 50 and still doesnt have a license. I am 15 and currently working on getting one. I apologize for the numerous sentences its just been awhile since I've written to you guys. But she is really unfit as a parent and i fear the change in our placement that is inevitably coming. I feel as if i am a very strong being staring out into a hurricane, knowing that even my strength is not enough to deal with this storm coming upon me. If there is anyone out there who would like to donate to a fund made to help me get a car, please make all donations to BuffaloBoy000@aol.com  hahaha. If anyone out there feels the pain i have felt or has over come the pain, please leave a comment or email me at yoyomister@gmail.com.


             So i feel that all i write here is painful things and sorrow, so i have decided to write of the memories i do have and the great times i have had in all my 15 years. Ill start with my family when i was little, it was honestly the best feeling i can remember. The utter safety i felt in my home, the sheer enjoyment in sitting on the couch with my mother and my dog. Dont even get started on that dog, that thing was my one and only way to vent at that age. I remember it like he was still here, his name was Moses and he was the greatest friend a kid could ask for. He was a pure bred black Great Dane and we raised him from 3 months old. I remember the first few months with him. He was small to begin with but damn he sure did grow hahaha. Though most my family found reasons to dislike the dog at times, he was nothing but caring for me. Now i dont have a story where fought off attackers or something but he was always there when i needed him, slowly we weaned him into sleeping in my room and late at night when my mom would be throwing a fit, he would come onto my bed and sleep there with me, as if we were both frightened for the events to come. There is nobody nor anything i could love like i loved that dog, and i will never forgive my mom for making us get rid of him. Though it wasnt her intention, when she was admitted to the hospital 3 years ago, there was nobody to take care of him when she went to rehab. So we gave him to the Gentle Giants shelter in Norco where i never saw him again. I kept my cool through all the previous bullshit but saying goodbye to that dog was the hardest thing i ever did. He was my friend, someone who had helped me through all the bad times and who had made me feel at home where ever i was. I am actually tearing up while i write this which is odd because i dont usually do this. Most people say that you experience the 5 stages of grief when losing a loved one, but all I have seen is the regret, the moments where you would give anything to have one more moment with them, just a hello. I stand by my opinion today in saying that i would give absolutely anything to have that dog back. Being Autistic as I am, i found refuge in the dog and it was what I saw as my friend for 9 damn years of my life. No love on this planet could compare to the bond we shared. I would do anything for him and he would do anything for me, and though this is hard to say in a relationship, i knew it to be true. I remember that, due to my fathers absence, nobody was able to walk him and so every time he saw the door open he would bolt in an attempt to get out. Occasionally he did and we would chase him far and wide, and one time my mom told us to let him go. I couldnt believe her and bolted after him. The do was obviously faster, i was only 10 give me a break, and he was out of my sight in no time. I was torn so i sat in some bushes i found in a secluded area. There i sat in tears for 10 minutes or so before i heard some rustling and wiped my eyes. Out of the brush came my big brown eyed Moses to comfort me. He wasnt running or barking, just walked to my and layed down by my side. This was the moment i knew that when we would seperate, i would be a broken man. And as much as I wished to be wrong, I wasnt. I still cannot find the courage to face that day even in dreams. I have tried to relive moments with him in dreams, but its just to hard. This isnt a plea for attention or anything, But if you happen to live in North Corona and adopted a full Black Great Dane from Gentle Giants named Moses. Please contact me and let me know he is Ok. I know believing he is still out there is childish and a waste of time, but hope is all i have left. Its all any of us have left, after the world has taken everything else from us. To be honest if he is dead and you once had him, just letting me know where he is buried would be much appreciated. I loved him more that I loved myself and I told him I would fix things for him before we parted ways and it haunts me day and night knowing I never followed through.



                                     Thank you for reading
                                                         River Clark