Hey Internet,
   So. I have been in summer school for about 3 days now and im going to tell you guys about it. So on the first day I thought the teacher was a reaaaalll bitch and thought my summer would be total hell for 6 weeks. 2nd day she started to tell us more about herself, She was saying that her mother and father are both dead. Her first husband of 19 years, dead. Now married to a disabled veteran. 3rd day, someone brought up the question "Why do you teach?" So she began to explain. She told us that the only reason she had started teaching is because its a steady job with health benefits. She was explaining that without the benefits of a teaching job she would have otherwised perished. Now she has 4 degrees and 3 credentials. She is qualified to teach English, Science and Theoretical Physics. She couldnt find a job anywhere that would supply her with the needs to survive so she had no choice to pick teaching at Jr. High, to me that is just so bad to imagine. This is a women who has everything taken from her, Someone who has no reason to keep going. To this day she still wonders why her life had to take the course it did. Never have i felt pity on someone else. I always figured that i had it really bad and that no one could come close to knowing the feeling of losing everything. This is a women who had felt it. She has no family left. No mother no father. She somehow wakes up everyday and finds a reason to keep living.
   

        I have never met someone who can find the will to keep going. It just puts me in awe, makes me wonder how bad my mindset really is. Do i complain about my life to much? I mean here is a woman who has lost absolutley everything, like i have, and she still doesnt complain. Or maybe she does, maybe she feels the way i do about things. Just maybe we think alike, What if she has a blog that she complains about as i do? What if deep down she wonders why she keeps going. Maybe she is afraid of death just as much as i am. There is a possibility she could be like me. If someone was to ask me to explain my life in one word, i have always thought that word would be "Alone". Even though i dont talk to this teacher at all, i feel not so alone with my issues, Just knowing that someone else out there feels the same way somehow comforts me. I dont know why this happens to people or why we all think alike, but my message to You is: If you relate to the feelings i explain and can see things from my point of view... You're not alone. There are more like us, and we know the pain.
     

                I again apologize for my depressed tone, its just that this is what i made the blog for. I figured writing to an audience would help me cope with all this, Instead of just supressing it like i do. I still feel like i dont need any help, but some would say otherwise. If anyone has a suggestion for me to feel better about things, or advice on how to do better in things. Please leave a comment.
                                  -River